THIS TUNE never loses its relevance ;-(
Also, pay attention to how my mood & mental state changes during the 13 day period in my 'home town' covered by this post .....
4:30 am
I try to call my mother for her birthday. She's not in her room and the care station on her floor doesn't even answer the phone. All is not well in old-age care in Germany either ;-(
After a few minutes of getting lost in a confusing menu system, my FaceBook account is not only deactivated but now scheduled for DELETION. Good Riddance, Fuckers !
Noon: There is a saying and THANK GOD it's true: One NEVER forgets how to ride a bicycle. For the first time in something like 6 MONTHS I get out the bike and point the front wheel uphill to visit Grandma.
 |
| Oops. another nap..... |
 |
| Bun Cha the Canadian way? |
By 21:00 I have booked travel & accommodation for the upcoming trip. It's NOT really something I like to do. I much prefer traveling into the blue. But this trip has already been forced into a corset. I actually will have an ITINERARY that I will have to follow. YUK.
4:45 ....
 |
| It's coming ! |
April 3
It's pretty much been TWO WEEKS since the beginning of SPRING.
But the skies are DARK GREY & there is fresh SNOW not only on the local mountain's top but also on the forest at lower elevations. Give me a break. The HORRIBLE season in Vancouver starts in early October. Now it's the beginning of April. That means Vancouver had SHITTY weather for SIX MONTHS now.
That alone is enough reason NOT to want to live here. Add hopeless traffic congestion, INSANE prices for accommodation, groceries, Painful social injustice AND the fact that people just don't smile here make you wonder why ANYONE is living here at all.
I'm moving rooms today and I put all my luggage into my car. Yes, it's April, but when I drive to my lunch place (YES, it is way too ugly to ride a bicycle), I am happy that the car is equipped with heated seats and I turn them to MAX.
The lovely weather is even evident in my lunch selection. I order Combination A with sweet & sour pork. WTF? I won't be able to finish even 1/3 of that meal !
Miserable weather leads to PROFIT for 3 major groups of UNDESIRABLES: Vendors of greasy COMFORT FOOD, and - directly related - owners of weight-loss gyms -, manufacturers of Antidepressants - plus the associated shrink crowd prescribing them. but MOST importantly and probably the worst of all: the ENTERTAINMENT sector that for some strange reason actually manages to convince its customers that a mediocre movie or an overpriced hockey game are actually a worthwhile and equivalent substitute for a sunny day somewhere not overcrowded by cars. Oh right, let's not forget the purveyors of more illegal ways of mental escape.
Isn't it a worrying omen for a city that was repeatedly named the third most livable city in the world if most of its residents are looking for escapes from living in it. Personally, I like my way of escape the best, namely the physical escape. I miss you, Vietnam ;-)
Friends like Eda keep me sane in Vancouver. I'm delighted to see her again, but unfortunately the food at Earls doesn't quite measure up and a headache forces me to bed early.
The next day is yet another lost day. Rain, dark, cold.
And it's COLD rain. I hate to constantly repeat myself but I HATE being here !
April 5
The weather is ATROCIOUS.
I'm happy to have braved the elements to walk over to Denny's because I get a HUGE HUG from Regina ;-)
Melissa then tells me an UNBELIEVABLE story.
BC Ferries up to recently allowed smoking in a tiny outside section of the top deck. Because of the strong wind it was almost impossible to light a cigarette, but that same wind should also have taken care of certain people's fears of second hand smoke. OK, in a reasonable world the whole issue would have just 'blown away'. NOT HERE. People complained about the cigarette smoke and BC Ferries banned smoking COMPLETELY on the ferries. I NEED to LEAVE this INSANE place !
April 6
I get a text message from a former Dawson Creek neighbour. Her oldest son died during a holiday in the Dominican Republic some 15 ago. Her second son helped us load stuff when we emptied the farm house in 2012 5 years ago. He died 5 days ago. He was 34 years old. FUCK!
The amount of suffering contained in that tiny text message sends me into a tailspin that lasts all day long. I can't even reply to her text message until 7 pm.
In some morbid way, I see in this horrid news some confirmation of my selfish philosophy of LIVING NOW. Life will serve up its horribly unpleasant dishes eventually. Might as well feast on the yummy bits while we can. And yes, have you ever estimated the number of days you have left until your knee joints are too shot to ride a bicycle? My best guess for myself is below 5000 !
April 7, Saturday
Gloom & Doom.
Gloom is provided again by Vancouver Weather. Dark skies & pouring rain are becoming boring.
As for Doom:
Craigslist removed its Personals section in the US because of an incoming new federal law. Another great milestone for FREEDOM ! Oh. Hang on. That's actually the opposite of freedom, isn't it?
Despite having slept 8 hours last night, I nap for another 2 hours.
More Doom when I visit my inlaws. My kookum, George's Grandma, has been undergoing chemotherapy for a month now but is refusing to continue it. She's rather 'go the other way'. It feel powerless and useless.
April 8, Sunday
Still rain under gray skies.
I get my hair cut by the Fabulous Fiona but my head is not quite there. It's so noticeable that she even checks back with me later in the day to see whether I'm OK.
April 9, Monday
Now Eda is worried about me. Hmm. It's true. Since I've been back quite a few e-mails have been sitting in my inbox unanswered. Vancouver is NOT good for me. But there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. It's not raining today and I'll be in a plane back to my new home in roughly 80 hours.
April 10 Tuesday
I'm NOT functioning. I have breakfast at 9:00 and then keep postponing my errands. I keep postponing them until it is too late. I manage to get out of the room again at 17:00. Barely. So this is what depression feels like.
April 11 Wednesday
POURING RAIN
My grandma visit fails to coincide with the nurse's visit and when I arrive, Grandma is in bed. There is some issue with the battery of the alarm system and I'm realizing that even with her caretakers Grandma is not going to be able to live in her home forever.
It's pretty much been TWO WEEKS since the beginning of SPRING.
That alone is enough reason NOT to want to live here. Add hopeless traffic congestion, INSANE prices for accommodation, groceries, Painful social injustice AND the fact that people just don't smile here make you wonder why ANYONE is living here at all.
 |
| Living in Darkness ! |
Miserable weather leads to PROFIT for 3 major groups of UNDESIRABLES: Vendors of greasy COMFORT FOOD, and - directly related - owners of weight-loss gyms -, manufacturers of Antidepressants - plus the associated shrink crowd prescribing them. but MOST importantly and probably the worst of all: the ENTERTAINMENT sector that for some strange reason actually manages to convince its customers that a mediocre movie or an overpriced hockey game are actually a worthwhile and equivalent substitute for a sunny day somewhere not overcrowded by cars. Oh right, let's not forget the purveyors of more illegal ways of mental escape.
Isn't it a worrying omen for a city that was repeatedly named the third most livable city in the world if most of its residents are looking for escapes from living in it. Personally, I like my way of escape the best, namely the physical escape. I miss you, Vietnam ;-)
Friends like Eda keep me sane in Vancouver. I'm delighted to see her again, but unfortunately the food at Earls doesn't quite measure up and a headache forces me to bed early.
The next day is yet another lost day. Rain, dark, cold.
And it's COLD rain. I hate to constantly repeat myself but I HATE being here !
April 5
The weather is ATROCIOUS.
I'm happy to have braved the elements to walk over to Denny's because I get a HUGE HUG from Regina ;-)
Melissa then tells me an UNBELIEVABLE story.
BC Ferries up to recently allowed smoking in a tiny outside section of the top deck. Because of the strong wind it was almost impossible to light a cigarette, but that same wind should also have taken care of certain people's fears of second hand smoke. OK, in a reasonable world the whole issue would have just 'blown away'. NOT HERE. People complained about the cigarette smoke and BC Ferries banned smoking COMPLETELY on the ferries. I NEED to LEAVE this INSANE place !
April 6
I get a text message from a former Dawson Creek neighbour. Her oldest son died during a holiday in the Dominican Republic some 15 ago. Her second son helped us load stuff when we emptied the farm house in 2012 5 years ago. He died 5 days ago. He was 34 years old. FUCK!
The amount of suffering contained in that tiny text message sends me into a tailspin that lasts all day long. I can't even reply to her text message until 7 pm.
In some morbid way, I see in this horrid news some confirmation of my selfish philosophy of LIVING NOW. Life will serve up its horribly unpleasant dishes eventually. Might as well feast on the yummy bits while we can. And yes, have you ever estimated the number of days you have left until your knee joints are too shot to ride a bicycle? My best guess for myself is below 5000 !
April 7, Saturday
Gloom & Doom.
Gloom is provided again by Vancouver Weather. Dark skies & pouring rain are becoming boring.
As for Doom:
Craigslist removed its Personals section in the US because of an incoming new federal law. Another great milestone for FREEDOM ! Oh. Hang on. That's actually the opposite of freedom, isn't it?
Despite having slept 8 hours last night, I nap for another 2 hours.
More Doom when I visit my inlaws. My kookum, George's Grandma, has been undergoing chemotherapy for a month now but is refusing to continue it. She's rather 'go the other way'. It feel powerless and useless.
April 8, Sunday
Still rain under gray skies.
 |
| YES, that is fucking NEW SNOW visible on the mountains through the WET air ;-( |
April 9, Monday
Now Eda is worried about me. Hmm. It's true. Since I've been back quite a few e-mails have been sitting in my inbox unanswered. Vancouver is NOT good for me. But there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. It's not raining today and I'll be in a plane back to my new home in roughly 80 hours.
April 10 Tuesday
I'm NOT functioning. I have breakfast at 9:00 and then keep postponing my errands. I keep postponing them until it is too late. I manage to get out of the room again at 17:00. Barely. So this is what depression feels like.
April 11 Wednesday
POURING RAIN
My grandma visit fails to coincide with the nurse's visit and when I arrive, Grandma is in bed. There is some issue with the battery of the alarm system and I'm realizing that even with her caretakers Grandma is not going to be able to live in her home forever.
No comments:
Post a Comment