off the rails....VH-TH .... PHAP LOVE....QE2 DIES....TH-SGN

 2:00 (AM ;-) in Vinh Hoa

I wake up and I keep sniffing my armpits....do I really stink that badly?....Granted, the bed sheet is not that clean anymore....but I just can't be smelling THIS BAD...... 

It takes me a while to realize that I'm smelling Nhat frying his fish cakes next door.....

I get up anyway....stuff to do....

4:00

More drinking....more thinking.....if he asks for money today I will dump him for good.....3 years and he still does not live with me....instead he 'borrowed' $10,000 and he has a wife and kid.....and NO change in sight.

time to pass out?

sleep

5:00

wake up horny and a completely different outlook on life.....yes, he probably is just a whore....but should I care?..... have some fun and send him packing......plenty of whores around.....  

(4 years later, in 2026 when I finally publish this, I regret the above paragraph SO MUCH.  On a positive note:  I don't edit my past....but I have changed....and so has he )

nap

7:30

Hang out with Lisa and Tina......Lisa is a typical horse.....just like Grandma...Big head, small thoughts.... ouch ....

8:00

Start packing and taking another fistful of bum pills...

nap...feeling crappy

The Monkey shows up at 11:15....I have ZERO energy

11:30

My is right on time.... The Monkey is going to accompany me in the taxi to Tuy Hoa and ride back with My after dropping me off.

I buy a case of wine and a carton of Marlboro in Song Cau......not sure what I'm going to do with a case of wine in one day....but who cares

Monkey asks....."go eat?".....at first I balk but then I realize it's better than sitting alone in a hotel room waiting for Phap

And it's YUMMY ....Monkey eats two portions and says "Ego sum pauper".... (from a 2026 perspective:  The kid has a severe problem with being unselfish and greedy)

13:40

They leave..... I'm slightly resigned but manage to fall asleep in Hong Hai Hotel in Tuy Hoa

15:00

No Phap .... DMM

15:15

A message...."Phap will go travel late"......NO indication what time that will be....

I write back...."Always the same ....bla bla bla ....Han HATES waiting.....what time arrive in Tuy Hoa?"

No answer, of course ......

16:00

I smoke on the balcony....and then someone hugs me from behind.... HAPPINESS !

One hour of "SO HAPPY" hugging and kissing....

17:15

I'm going to buy some milk for the fresh baby.....he forgets to mention that he will bring it home....

17:45

Before HAPPY and now going back to black.....

19:00

he's back...... 

His wife is still in the hospital after a Cesarean.....that's where he usually sleeps....and picks rice at his parents during the day.....no idea what he told the wife and the parents.....

drink, talk, sleep

I finally get off at 3 am....

sleep and cuddle and feel SO GOOD

7:30

he leaves but my body is still tingling......

7:45

No answer from Eda or Chantal....

8:00

I read the news....Holy Shit....QE2 died.......end of an era and a bout of panic that I will get an email that Grandma died today....

8:30

Talk to Eda .....nice

8:45

Another explosive release.... with porn but I keep thinking about Phap....

9:00

call Chantal

10:00

I might as well have Bun Cha for breakfast..... YUMMY....and only 30k (CAD$ 1.66) LOL....

12:00

From the series The Good Doctor: 

You can't outrun your pain, Dr. Lim....If you keep trying, it's going to kill you.....

 I wonder why that sentence rings a very loud bell....

13:00

I've showered, packed, and ordered my new GICs......

14:15

Phap paid the bill again, I think....I pay the late-check out charge.... and take a taxi to Tuy Hoa airport

How about that for a smoking area in the secure zone ? LOL

St00pid shuttle bus drives out there lets the people out of the bus to walk to the plane ...then someone realizes that the plane is still being refueled and everyone has to go back in the bus.....I'm watching this from the terminal, waiting for the bus to come back and pick up the second half of the passengers.....

 

But finally they get it sorted out.... 

 

18:45

Finally (!!!) I arrive in Sai Gon in HomeAway... 

I'm stumbling into the lobby......  Nasty traffic....and I realize what an arse I was expecting Phap to come to the hotel after work through this kind of traffic..... (4 years later he does it all the time !)

A realization....Phap is not the problem (OK, kind of yes, a little, he still has to learn)....but I am the main problem ... I'm not dealing with my health or my issues and putting all the blame for my misery somewhere else.....

Maybe the Monkey was right AGAIN.....Yesterday maybe was that day...the day your life will really change....

22:00

trying to sleep....

Swimming with a dolphin ... and Winnetou......7,8,9.... Phap BABY.... Going CRAZY.... Dragon Dance

 4:00

At first slightly depressed/worried....but no panic attack today.... seeing his face last night prevented that....

4:30

After a coffee and a glass of wine...... let's get stuff done....

5:00

already tipsy again.....

nap

6:30

8:00

I waddle over to Lisa's......her Hanoi cousins and Quang are there.....awkward...

A lovey message to Phap.... seeing your face is like watching the sunrise in VH..... no lam toi hanh phuc.

9:45

nap

10:30

Of course Tuan doesn't show up for Papaya Pancakes...... bla bla bla.....

11:00

buy 8 bottles of wine....I assure her that she can buy more....if I have to leave I will buy it and store it in the house....

I start cooking chua ngot....

Monkey calls and says his brother will be here at noon.....

12:20

Of course NOT.....

13:15

Monkey AND Brother......

Bobby texts...: Are you going to send Monkey to the bank today?

HELL NO

I make a Papaya Pancake for Toan and he doesn't appreciate it...

15:30

Monkey & Brother leave....I'm not too sad to see Toan leave .... he funny when he is drunk but he's not growing up....

 

17:30... a lovey message from Phap....OMFG.....

an early night

sleep

2:30

AWAKE....might as well have coffee.....I can hear and smell Nhat making his fish cakes....

and then it hits....

it's SEPTEMBER !....with all the issues that it will bring.... and I so CRAVE to hug him....

"Who am I if not seen through your eyes"

5:00

nap naked after having a whole bottle for breakfast....

6:00

start cleaning the house

8:00

Chat with Lisa and Tina......Hoa's daughter is cleaning for them now....

8:45

The Monkey calls......"Do you have enough food for 2 days?".....He's going to be gone for 2 days to Binh Dinh... and he will bring me another ripe DuDu .....I remember to take his helmet from my scooter....

9:15

DRUNK.....need another nap....

10:15

JUST woke up when the Monkey shows up.....OMFG.....Tuan was right.....we ARE so alike and get along SO well....

11:05

Monkey leaves...

12:00

my water pump doesn't work....I whine at Lisa's  ....when we see Thanh on my property.... 

Together we fix the pump (mostly him, of course...).....then he points out the dolphin in the bay..... I call Lisa;  she changes into her bikini and we go swimming with the dolphin.....but it's not normal...probably sick....just keeps pacing back and forth.....closer and closer to the shore....

Thanh searches the internet...... 2 days ago there was a dead dolphin in Tuy Hoa....Yesterday a dead dolphin in Bai Xep..... I'm afraid we'll have one tomorrow..... 

The Vietnamese don't eat dolphins and whales.... the Buddhist monks give them a burial on the beach with all the music and flags they can muster...... NEVER stop learning !

What a gorgeous man !  MAYBE I picked the wrong cousin....

naps

19:15

Phap was on Zalo 15 minutes ago....but hasn't sent any reply to my LOVING message of last night....all his messages have disappeared....   FUCK YOU !

19:30

The Monkey calls from WAY NORTH of Quy Nhon.... almost in Sa Huyn....it took him 5 hours to take the bus there..... and he has intestinal pain on the right side.....better not be the appendix..... talking to him reminds me what Phap should be like..... getting ready to dump him (again ;-).

20:15

I'm sick of it..... Unless he comes up with something SPECIAL, he will be history....he might not even get a dumping notice...I might just ignore him.....   I am ANGRY again....

21:00

4 bottles of wine today.....time to sleep....and time to change my life....

21:30

pass out

22:30

a message ....sleep well Han......GRRRR

sleep

4:00

LMFAO..... today is Vietnam's National Independence day......and the bird looks like a stork bringing a baby....

putter putter putter

An email..... I can register to get my Booster Shot in Canada....

6:00

Thanh walks to the beach and checks whether I'm there..... go swimming he motions.....OK ;-)

Shit, what a hot little body.... we pick up plastic bags from the ocean floor...

6:45

Chat with Lisa.....

7:15.....

buy some more wine....only one bottle....I tell them to buy MORE.... now I actually have to go to Song Cau to get wine and Marlboro there.....

12:00

back at home.......3 hairdressers are CLOSED today.....stupid holiday

Just when I'm starting to feel down .....the Monkey calls and cheers me up...... he'll be back tomorrow afternoon....

nap

14:34

Lisa calls......let's go......

16:00

The CUTIE with his future wife shows up and keeps looking into my eyes...OH NO.....Another one stepped into the honey trap and he will marry the brown-haired girl with the bad lipstick next month........and he doesn't stop looking in my eyes and smiling......SHIT....SO SAD.....people are so stupid and I have to be OUT OUT OUT to show them the alternative.....

back at home

a beer with Tu

nap

The Monkey calls.....I tell him about the cutie and the pregnant wife....and Monkey says...he is saying Help Help Help......how can a 17 year old be so smart?......Maybe I helped a little....but then he says "you only have two hands"...... I am LUCKY to have Monkey in my life....

21:00

Nothing from Phap.....he's going to be blocked soon......

drunk pass out

4:00

coffee and get drunk

nap

6:15

get up.....

hai tre trau come to ask for cigarettes.... mua di.....khong co tien....ok..... mot buoi sang tot lanh.... WTF...everything in Vietnamese.....?!?!

7:00

breakfast with Lisa & family

7:15

Eda does not answer.....

I can hear Denise but she can't hear me .....

she sends an email that Hans is in pain....maybe talk tomorrow, she says

10:00

The Monkey calls.....can you pick me up at the Big Mango Tree?......I ride out...and pick him up....

haircut....but neither of us has enough money..... doesn't matter

hang out at my house

13:00

Anh Chin calls.....Co Tam is at his restaurant.....

and there is 7 and 8 and 9..... I drink beer with them and the Monkey.....Co 7 looks fiendishly smart.....like Binh....and she is the one who asks whether I have met my lover again recently .....OH SHIT they ALL know..... and they don't care a bit.....as long as my lover produces a baby.....

I drive to the haircut place.....it's not Phuong or 7Huong but Thuong..... and drop the Monkey off at home and pet my very pregnant dog.....

17:00

back at home....with an appointment to drink more beer with husband of Co Bay at 19:00....Lisa is supposed to be back from Song Cau at 19:00 too...she wants to meet Tam.

nap

18:30

wake up, brush teeth, and stumble over there

7 is still asleep.....but I drink 3 bottles of beer, have dinner with (my?) family.....and hopefully make a good impression on all the aunts and uncles.....

20:45

they want me to drink more but I say "SAY va se VE" and thank them for their hospitality and the food....and I stumble home....

sleep

4:00

Call Hans, call Eda

ANGRY at Phap....he will never learn....

Call Eda again....I'm about to dump him.....

Monkey comes and goes and comes again

sept 6

We hear drums.... lion dance....I walk barefoot without a shirt to find the drummers.....walk by Binh and say "Chao buoi toi" in a sarcastic voice.....I ask the villagers ....bum bum bum o dau....I find them when they are just leaving.....Like the Pied Piper of Hamelin....I am followed home by an entourage of children dressed in Monkey and Pig costumes...... and then there is another Lion Dance.....

<pics>

20:00

I text him....if you want to meet me, tell me soon, otherwise I will di choi o Sai Gon.

an almost instant reply..... I will come on Thursday, do you have time?"

"I always have time for Phap"

"Will you stay at Hong Hai Hotel?"

Why don't you want to come to VH?"   

"don't have a scooter".....

I video call him......

We will meet on Thursday 2 pm in room 406....

sleep

Rain in the morning.....

drunk...talking to Lisa.....

I confirmed the hotel in Saigon from Friday to Monday

Booked the flight from Tuy Hoa for Friday....  maybe meet Phuong but mostly I am hungry and I don't want to live close to Phap if he doesn't have time for me.....

11;45

drunk.....crying with a sad song..."love is a crazy game".... need to sleep.....

nap

13:15

<TIME WARP> 

and as of August 2026 (4 years later), I don't remember what else happened on that day 4 long years ago ....the kid is almost 4 years old now; the wife is long gone; and Phap will come visit me tonight....... A lesson learned....don't fret too much about current problems;  Everything is always changing....