Dire Days in March 2022 .... that can only mean that I'm in Vancouver....
5:00
only 3.5 hours of sleep....but wide awake.. at first another panic attack....then resignation.... I have to type this with cold fingers because I don't want Eda to wake up because of the alarm beep every time I go to the balcony for one of my cigs ....
It's JJ's birthday today.....he died 12 year's ago.... hard to believe..... I wonder what he thinks about my treatment of his wife.... but I have to take care of my mental health first.... I'm NOT ready to handle another one of her outbursts ....
7:00
nap
8:30
I'm FREEZING
Eda is still sleeping
9:30
I can smell Eda's perfume...she must be up ;-)
10:00
Eda leaves....
10:30
nap time
11:15
Part of the reason for my depressed state: With all these obstacles, seeing Phap again seems more and more like a dream and less and less like something that might actually happen... and he might feel the same.... tragic.... because a lot of Vietnamese are abandoned by their Western lovers returning home and never coming back....
that's why I must keep working to make this dream reality !
11:45
The sheer number of tasks overwhelms me again.... must not think that way....
12:15
much needed pressure relief....
12:30
I start calling pharmacies listed on the BC CDC website as handing out free Rapid Antigen tests to people over 40.
Pure Integrative on Edgemont does not have any .....F-ed up country !
Pharmasave Edgemont ..... I get directed to voicemail..... I call back...and they DO have them ;-)
I should pick that up today..... get something done....but still SLUGGISH ....
13:00
Checking out flights for next weekend.... EXPENSIVE ......
I should shower and get that test so I can veg out later.....
13:45
I'm back from Edgemont Village.... on a sunny Saturday, it was busy as hell.... I parked illegally (what are they going to do? ;-) ....but I got my kit of 5 rapid tests .
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14:00
A little bit of plant cutting and disposing it into the green bin.....
14:30
nap
15:30
Maybe I can apply for a Letter of Approval?.....The website I used before seems to be working fine without any big warning signs....
Try to call Denise/Hans.... no answer, not really a surprise
15:45
I transplant some day lilies 
from the ancient rusted BBQ lid into the front garden patch
16:15
I call Andrea for 45 mins ..... omg, that woman can TALK... but it was nice to hear a voice that doesn't come out of the computer....
17:00
A burst of ENERGY.....
take out frozen food to thaw.... start laundry ... calisthenics ....start cooking ....hang laundry...
17:45
eat the last Keg burger thing in the freezer with homemade curry and rice.....
18:00
feeling exhausted again....and I finally get it.... just like Andrea, I am AVOIDING the important things and fill my time with unimportant things....FEAR of fucking up somehow....
18:15
I call Chantal....she's in HS Bay on her way to Texada..... following her particular CRAZY DREAM..... once you hit a certain age....what else is there to do ?
18:30
it's 8:30 in Vietnam....feeling down again ....
19:30
I try to apply for a Vietnam Visa..... Mastercard only wants to authorize it if I enter a security code it sends by text.... the phone number they have on record can't receive texts.....
Fucking IDIOTS.... I have to go to their website to update the phone number.....they ask for ADDITIONAL stuff that they didn't ask for before....
I HATE THIS COUNTRY.... Doing the simplest thing (like applying for a visa) is just SO FUCKING COMPLICATED.....
I have managed to update the phone number.... I have to fill out the visa application AGAIN ....this time I receive the security code on my cell (wouldn't work if I was in Vietnam!)..... and the application is submitted.
I am ANGRY..... I don't want to have to deal with this BULLSHIT anymore.....
19:45
I need to focus on the PROGRESS I have made and still am making every day .... I got SO MUCH done .....
20:00
I open the Safe..... oh ok....the satchel is still there...
20:15
But when I open the satchel it doesn't contain the expected gold coins and gold rings....WTF?
Maybe I hid them somewhere in the depth of my treasure chest...
I sort the currencies..... Grandpa's old wallets come in handy... 55 trieu VND left....
21:00
Toast with sardine/mandarins/cheese...
21:10
I email the private travel visa firm, because I have not received my confirmation email for application and payment yet.....
21:15
Eda emails.....she "had fun last night...'I like it a lot' " At least I have one GOOD FRIEND.... I reply...
21:30
SOOO TIRED....
I drag all my treasures upstairs and semi-sort them.....I find the Vrenelis and the Goldmarks ....but the beautiful Native BeGay necklace that
I bought for grandma is GONE....because it was upstairs and the nurses robbed Grandma blind :-(
22:30
Everything is back in the safe....except a few nice things.... i.e. the Zarist watch and Great-Grandfather's gold ring...
22:45
NEED to sleep !
but I can't ....
23:30
I try calling Iwona....she doesn't pick up.....
sleep
