Saigon 5 ..... He DUMPED me.. HEARTBROKEN and Home-bound.... oh.. and a TYPHOON........FUCK !!!!!

 6:30

3 hours of sleep.

Quy translates Phap's message:  "Don't contact me anymore. My boyfriend will be upset if he knows"..... oh WTF ?!?

WTF am I going to do? Phap was the ONE bright light in my life in these miserable times....

7:45

An email titled "Final Email"

Han da that yeu Phap rat nhieu ....

Of course, I am hoping for a reply, but I don't think I will get one....

I get one..... Roi Han se gap duoc nguoi tot hon yeu Han thoi  ....That long xin loi 

 .... it's really over ....

Chantal doesn't answer her phone .... 3 times in a row.....

Hans & Denise don't answer the phone....

8:00 

But Eda does !...... and she is a JOY to talk to.....

No answer from Chantal 2 more times

9:15

I call Hans.... but he's busy with guests....

Oh THANK YOU Eda for being my BEST friend.....

9:30

10:00

I manage to go out.... and get myself a Banh Mi behind the market.... not fabulous, but I need some food with the wine.....

10:15

tears.... I miss him so much.... even if he was mostly an asshole.....

10:30

Chantal answers the phone and we talk for 80 minutes !!!

12:00

I was DUMPED... :-(

nap

13:30

Laundry is not done yet..... buy some wine and cigarettes.....

14:15

Nhat called .... I call back... .... strong storm and water in Choi's house.....

14:45

Phap emails.... WTF??????  "going to a colleagues house today to celebrate the new house. Wishing you a good day"

I write back.... "I'm crying because I love you. If you don't want to meet me anymore, please don't email me anymore".....

He replies..... "In fact.. Phap has stopped loving Han for a long time".... what can I say?

"You have a lot left to learn. But I always knew that you would break my heart"

"Good bye and Sorry, Han"....  

That was that .... 2 years of my life.... was it worth it?  Yes, and NO !  Too many days of misery !

15:15

Iwona writes and I call her..... she too is cheering me up... a little bit....

16:30

Chau calls and rattles on in rapid Vietnamese.... water inside the house....then he hangs up.....

16:45

Toan Nguoi Linh calls me by skype..... he's turning out gorgeous .... we talk for 18 minutes.... 

Then The Monkey calls..... tells me my house is OK, but my computer speakers are missing....

I call Chau....he took the speakers....WTF?...but at least they will get used .....

17:30

OMG, I miss the cheating ass SO MUCH.....

Pick up the laundry.

Buy N95 face masks.

Head to the Sushi place.

fabulous Unagi Don

Bobby doesn't answer the Zalo video call....

Lisa answers the phone ....she still has Corona.... and keeps coughing during the phone call.....

20:30

nap a bit....

22:45

I send the reality check email to end it all.   

Sorry Sorry Sorry = bla bla bla

Some advice for you:

speaking the truth is most important.  Phap is no good because he rarely speaks the truth.

A question:

When are you going to return the money you 'borrowed' and stole from me? (126 trieu)

Yes, it is brutal.....but No....I think I did right....I don't really expect a reply......but I'm not going to have pity on a lying cheater no longer.... time to get back in touch with reality.... this email might be good for his learning process...but it is definitely part of my healing process.

23:00

I am DRUNK.... let's try to pass out....

Saigon 4 A lonely belly-ached day.... Odette approaching.... and FINALLY getting DUMPED

 6:15

A slight feeling of pressure in the usual spot.... oh, PLEASE, not another colic ...

7:00

9:00

I've zaloed Choi.... Chau doesn't answer....

10:00

The Monkey answers to my "Good Luck tomorrow email"   he writes

"When I find my self in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

speaking words of wisdom

Let it be"

11:15

I've finally shaved and showered..... still an unpleasant feeling in the gut region.....but I think I won't have a colic today..... and Unagi Don will be the right food....

The laundry lady is not there AGAIN....but at least she folded the last batch....but I can't take it with me because her kid does not cooperate..... instead I'm being treated to a beer-bottle-swinging dirty 30 something white guy asking the black woman who talked to me about 'her rates'.....  NOT my scene !

nap

12:15

I successfully pick up the last laundry batch

12:45

Time to go and put some happy food in my stomach.....

When I get back to the room, the dull stomach pain is back...

sleep

17:15

at least the eye is supposed to be 150-200 km from home...

I get emotional when I read a Der Spiegel article about a German who gave away his belongings and his life in Germany to live in Vietnam.... and LOVES it....

18:00

A short line to Phap

18:15

I call Chau and wish him good luck for tomorrow.....

17:00

I severely hope the Canadian Consulate will be helpful on Monday morning, because the Vietnamese CDC website is hopeless ....

Watching Netflix..... Lupin....entertaining and well done.....

22:15

as George used to say in jest "NOBODY loves me"..... I miss emails, in particular from Phap.....

LUCKY .... hopefully  !!!!

I watch Lupin

and at midnight I see a Phap email....  he quotes one from July..... 

"Don't connect with Phap anymore... the lover Phap knows he will be sad .... 

2 hours earlier he sent me a Zalo message with hearts..... 

WHAT THE FUCK is going on ???..... I try to Zalo video call him....but he doesn't answer......

Did I just go double dumped?

Why don't kick me while I'm down already?

I send the Viet text to Quy for translation help....

0:45

I hope I can pass out....

1:00

"Phap and his lover have not broken up   (that's his lover in Saigon)"

"Sorry for the time I cheated on Han"

a few more emails at this time.... and then I write "Han hopes Phap will learn to become a good person".

He actually thanks me for that..LOL...WTF ...but that will have been the last email I ever send to him.

He got enough money out of me and lied enough to me.....but at least my gut feeling WAS RIGHT !

2:00

pass out?

Saigon

Where am I ?..... In Sai Gon.....on my way back to Mordor to deal with Grandma....it is shortly before Christmas ......even over here, all the stores selling stuff are desperate to spread the 'holiday spirit'....

 'nough said?

 

6:30

Oh.....Phap replied....finally...... 

I drank too much yesterday...... 2 bottles from 3 pm to midnight....

8:00

Talk to Eda

8:30

OMG long term interest rates have plummeted to 4.3%..... good thing I got my 5.1% GICs when I did ;-)

10:00

talk to Joanna Tillson for 34 minutes....she cheers me up ;-)

shave/shower

11:00

2 more bottles of wine and phone minutes....and a tweezer ....those eyebrows are getting unruly....

Joanna Nguyen is annoying me with her typical Canadian messages.... and her attitude....also typical Canadian...

it takes Vinh AGES to retrieve my laundry.....and he wants 80k because he claims it's 2kg......but at least it smells good....

12:30

nap time....

13:30

OMFG.....the Canadian Dollar is TANKING......

 

5 trieu used to be CAD 265 only 6 months ago.... now 5 trieu costs me $295 ......SHIT !!!!   who ever would have thought that the Vietnamese Dong should be considered a stable currency ......

15:30 meet Joanna on the steps of Nha Hat Lon (The Saigon Opera House)  

.... I point out A&O show advertisement...she has already seen the show.... 

I LOVE this woman..... We drink Cosmopolitans on the outside patio of Hotel Continental Saigon..... 4 for each and Calamari....she picks up the bill....buy 3 bottles of booze at a CircleK and we drink one on her balcony....she calls me a Grab car......and pays for it... the talk was amazing.

23:15 back at home......

NEED to crash......

 

7:00 I am STILL drunk....

7:30

Call Eda.....the presents from the old couple in WV

including TWO cartons of cigarettes and a $50 Starbucks card...... holy shit.... that gurl is getting spoiled !

8:15

time to sober up and clean up.....Phap is supposed to be here in 2 hours ....

calisthenics & shower

nap

10:00

Fear is rising again....I start drinking and doubting

10:30 I see him walk towards the hotel entrance

11:00

He gets off, I don't ....not important....something new ...he bites lips while kissing....

nap

I book a hotel in Bien Hoa while he's sleeping....60 square meters with balcony..... 2 nights....we'll see ....

15:00

Bun Cha 145 ...he likes

his father calls when we get back to the hotel......but he waits until 17:15 to finally leave......after getting off again and dozing in bliss for what seems like an hour......

17:15

Lisa doesn't answer the Zalo call (again)

Monkey indicates drama.....but doesn't answer the phone (it's early anyway)

I should start packing

Lisa calls back....but there is that typical German deadness in her voice..... no point calling her again....

18:00

shopping around....2 bottles from CircleK at the corner of Bui Vien.....another 2 bottles from CircleK next to Vien Dong.....bank machine at Vien Dong.... masks, eye drops, lip balm from the usual pharmacy....20 Cialis from the usual Nha Thuoc.....back in the hotel.....

 

19:00

I just started balling my eyes out.... I was sitting on my balcony sipping wine and I hear this weird bell...a minute later I see an old crippled guy moving himself with metal weights in his hands pushing on the pavement while he sits on a wooden plank with coaster wheels underneath..... 

Not the man I saw but the same principle, just without the wheels

....he is selling something.....they look like Q-tips....I don't have any Q-tips ..... everyone is ignoring him.....fucking Millennials ....even in Vietnam....dressed in fancy clothes but they ignore him.....

I quickly throw on clothes and grab 50k from the wallet...... can't be that hard to catch up with a guy on a rolling platform..... I keep calling "anh oi! anh oi!" from behind....he doesn't react.....when I catch up and look in his face I realize he is only 25 years old and almost definitely an Agent Orange victim...it looks like his mind is half gone too.....but he still manages a cute smile when I wave the 50k and take a box of Q-tips (normally 10k) and ask him OK?....OK he says and grins.......FUCK.....how the can the world be so fucking unfair.....

19:30

talk to the Monkey for a while

21:45

tipsy and tired......missing the Phap..... I am HAPPY and RELAXED when I am close to him.....

sleep

On the way to Mordor ..... Saigon 3

7:45

WOW....

9:50

I've done a lot.... 

buy banh mi..... yesterday's stand is gone, maybe sold out....

I find another one....egg with veggies but no pate....edible....

11:30

Morning is almost over.... I'm getting dark thoughts again.....

11:35

Is that moving pipes or a knock on the door..... Phap is in front of my door <BIG GRIN>

drink, touch, undress (for the first time in 6 months), nap.....

14:45

walk

this time we walk to the river.... and I even remember where the bicycle rental store is....

eat at Booklover's Cafe..... Fish & Chips and a Hawaiian pizza....too much food....let's hope it won't get stuck!

18:30

and he's gone again and that profound emptiness is back..... he says he'll be back on Sunday.....

I finish watching Halston....

22:45

A Phap email....sleep well

.... I reply in kind .... SHIT, I LOVE HIM ....

On the way to Mordor ..... Saigon 2

 5:30

I hear that Iwona is leaving Vietnam.  WTF?

6:30

I write to Phap.  "When will I see you?"

7:15

oh oh.... The Typhoon forecast: max winds of 260 km/h just before hitting the Philippines...and still 140 at the time of its closest approach to MY HOME at 1am on Monday morning.....

7:30

I better slow down with the booze...already guzzled half a bottle......

8:00

maybe time for a nap....

9:00

that's better..... 

no email, no Phap.... 

I should go out for a Banh Mi and take the garbage out while the cart is sitting outside ;-)

I find a Banh Mi just around the corner..

.. YUMMY

I look deeper into where to get the Covid Test..... OMFG, it's fucking complicated !

I finish watching 'The Big Short' again..... 

11:00

Iwona is being let go by her company.... cowardly bastards efficiently silencing the voice in their midst that tells them they're doing something wrong ....

No Phap news..... I'm starting to think I will never see him again..... 

Maybe today will be a day for tallying and reckoning

11:30

Adjusting the scheduling..... maybe CoVid test at the CDC HCMC on Monday morning?

12:00

Depressed....then I see that there was an email from Phap 25 minutes ago.... he will travel now to come see me ......

Time to take that shower ;-)

and to buy some snacks and yogurt

13:05

I just booked a flight..... December 23.....through Narita.....CAD$ 850 including cancellation insurance.... things are improving ;-)

13:15

13:30

The phone rings....he's in front of the door....

Holding hands, hugging, napping, walking, eating, etc.....

and then he tells me has to work tonight..... but that he will be back tomorrow....

20:00

nap

Jessica emailed

00:00

time to go back to sleep.....

On the way to Mordor ..... Sai Gon I

On my way to Canada (Horror) .... My first full day in Sai Gon:

 

6:00

I feel worn out....

coffee with warm shower water (no kettle in the room), wine on the balcony ....

..I get to watch Sai Gon wake up...

.. what a beautiful view....

More slight sadness when I take out the "water the plants" and "swim" items from my daily to-do list.... that life is over :-( ... hopefully not for TOO TOO long

8:15

I've done calisthenics (no weights though :-( ... and brushed my teeth.... the day is progressing well... even though I'm drunk.....

Given the absence of working computer speakers, I keep Bohemian Rhapsody playing on Netflix on the TV .....

9:00

bring the 2nd batch of laundry away...the woman is not there and yesterday's laundry is dry but is still in the dryer .....

10:15

back in the room...... still no luck with the laundry.....but I got some cheap computer speakers at The Gioi Di Dong..... of course they had all the fancy brands....but I just needed some cheap ones NOW....and of course they are crap....at 225k VND..

... but they work better than the fried speakers in my laptop ;-)

I call Chantal for 30 minutes..... I need a wall to bounce my thoughts against to see what comes back...

11:15

I finally meet the washer woman.... I tell her not to rush but I want to pick up both packs of dry laundry tonight....

bloody Xmas trees everywhere !

Sushi time

a

OMG, that is good ;-)

12:15

I have new tissue paper... instead of putting it in front of the door, they brought it into the room and installed it ... SIGH....

time for a nap soon ;-)

13:30

could nap more.... but no...drink more

14:45

The laundry STILL is not done yet... back to my usual store.... and YES, she actually has a case of Dalat in the back... and of course, I take it ;-)

15:15

A walk.... No, laundry is STILL not folded ....

I walk down Bui Vien..

I used to buy food for Huyen here...

.. OMG, this place has changed..

there are NO tourists.... the only white people you see live here permanently

.. it has become a desolate wasteland....

This is where I had the mackerels with Alan

where I had the HORRIBLE service with M&S & Kamran
Christmas decoration from last year?

NOT sad at all that most of these monster bars are CLOSED

I find the hardware store...and even recognize the old guy that I met in sandal distress one year ago.... but he's out of that fabulous superglue....

boarded up 

I hear him before I see him.... because he sings WELL...

I offer him 10k just to take a video of him but he INSISTS that for that price I get the candy he is selling......

.. there are still a lot of The Right People around here....

This is where the muscle-man was dancing last New Year's ;-)

CLOSED....sad savory-sweet memories :-(

17:00

I head up to the common room/kitchen..... oooh, they have wine glasses ;-)

17:15

time for a nap....

or maybe not.....

18:00

I knew that at this time my search for a Banh Mi would be fruitless..... I keep walking... one of the Monster bars has pizza ....but no Hawaiian.... I keep walking..... I end up eating Fish & Chips at Booklover's Cafe....maybe I'm the first guest in days?..... she mixes up the boxes of wine, realizes her mistake and then adds white to the red.....I get Rose......But the fish is good and the chips are edible... and the dog that at first barked at me, then slept next to me, is happy to eat my leftovers ;-)

18:45

back in the room.... I still have NO idea when Phap will show up..... tonight, tomorrow, never?  Frustrating is his unwillingness or more likely inability to communicate !  (But in retrospect:  Little did I know what extreme issues and pressures he was facing in his life at that time ;-)

19:00

maybe time for a nap....

22:00

yet ANOTHER meaningless Phap email...

Dec. 14 Sad Good-Byes......off to Saigon

 5:00

I might as well get up.....

Quy only slept two hours because he had nightmares (that boy has issues)

we drank 12 hours yesterday.....

The village knows that I'm starting my journey back to Canada today.....and they drop by to say Good Bye (and maybe profit from some leave-behinds ;-)

Choi is not wearing the Hopi Bear cuff yet  ;-)

Good Bye  HOME  <tears in the eyes>

12:15

That mask seems to be irritating my upper lip.... I BETTER NOT get a cold sore before meeting Phap !

We're bussed from the plane to the terminal.... social distancing inside the plane and crammed in the bus.... ah well.... I go for a pee, preparing myself for a LONG wait for my checked-in luggage.... I come out of the washroom, use the display board to locate my carrousel. and my bags are already circling... HOW in the world did they do that?

A smoke outside.... and then the taxi hounds are upon me..... ok.....I have three bags today...so I'm not taking the bus 

13:30 at the hotel. HOW did it possibly happen so quickly? problems checking in....... a beer on the balcony....

14:00

Huyen is no longer there..... and the whole neighbourhood seems deserted....

buy wine & yogurt at the Circle-K.... at least that store is still open.....

15:00

the speakers on my laptop are definitely busted..... and the keyboard is bent....WTF?

I need music for napping..... oh.... they have Netflix on the TV here..... let's play Bohemian Rhapsody !

16:00

but I can't sleep.....

18:00

Oh, screw this, I'm HUNGRY...

.. I walk to Sushi Sun...

... the Unagi Don is FABULOUS....

...even though not cheap....but 180ml hot Sake and the Don come to 420k.... and I am SO HAPPY to eat real food again....

18:45

back in the room......

a lovey email to Phap.... 

19:00

I NEED to lie down.... 

20:30

no reply from Phap?!

time to sleep ..... but I can't ....

there is a reply....

"good night, meet again"....Echt jetzt?

I maybe pass out at 23:00

wake up a few times because I am sweating (the pillow is WET) and then because of a loud verbal fight outside....