It's Independence Day in Morocco today!
But my independence ends today.... it's time to fly back to where I left 9 weeks ago....and YES, I am DREADING it.
But then I'm also glad I'm getting out of Marrakesh.... it's too cold here and the loud shouters on the 5 am rain-wet streets don't really entice me to stay here.
6:30
A nice surprise. I booked a single room initially but they gave me a twin room, which normally costs more. I extended the twin room twice, but when I get the bill, I see that they charged me for a single room the whole time.. NICE ;-)
The Marrakesh airport website informs me that my plane has been rescheduled from 10:05 to 11:50. ALL EasyJet flights seem to be delayed.
MERDE, this day does not start well ;-(
The processing at the airport takes FOR EVER....
A line-up to have my electronic boarding pass replaced by a paper one (WTF?)
A line-up to get to the line-up of the security scan
 |
| This is the line-up to get to the security line-up ! |
the line up for passport control. And here is the bottle neck. They check every line of the departure form against the passport for accuracy....
Yes, the plane is late, so I theoretically have time to have another smoke in the airport's smoking lounge..... but I'm tired!
then:
line up to have the boarding pass checked at the gate, AND
3.5 hours later:
Charles de Gaulle airport always was complicated but now it has become an utter nightmare. Fortunately the second Information person I ask is able to tell me HOW to get to my "Airport Hotel". There is a TRAIN to Terminal 3.....
This places is ONE GIANT construction site..... HOW do I get to my hotel that I can SEE right behind that glass wall?
FINALLY, check-in a IBIS is a breeze ;-) The cute youngin even asks me whether I want a SMOKING room (he must have smelled it on me!).
And 3 minutes walk from the hotel entrance is a Marks & Spencer (I'm in FRANCE, am I NOT?). 2 bottles of wine and some munchies will let the rest of this day go smoother ;-)
Did I really get a smoking room? I don't see an ashtray and the walls aren't overly BROWN, so I double-check at reception. OUI, I got a smoking room! To be honest, I'd rather have a balcony to smoke on, but that's just not an option at CDG ;(
18:45
THIS JUST HAPPENED: Probably the MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT of my LIFE!I sleep-walked! FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. In an airport hotel in Paris no less.
I had a nap. I wake up. I leave my hotel room in my underwear. I pee in the stairwell (OMG, I'm not even blushing)..... Then I find myself in my underwear in the hallway in front of my room door without a key.
WTF? This MUST be a dream !
WHAT WOULD YOU DO ?
But it's NOT a dream!
I even KNOCK on my door hoping that I(!) will open it from the inside, LOL.
It's only AFTER I have gone down to the lobby, BAREFOOT and in my UNDERWEAR (there are line-ups at the reception counters), and cold-bloodedly give my name and my room number to get a new room key and after I'm back in my room, that I FULLY REALIZE that this was NOT a dream .....
I'm just glad that the receptionists handled this well and that most of the many people I encountered behaved as in a performance of "The Emperor's new clothes" ;-)
I am SPEECHLESS but GRINNING from ear to ear, LOL.
7:00
A good night's sleep without any further unintended walks into the hallway ;-)
9:50
It's time to GO !
I've been using online check-in a lot lately, but of course it doesn't work this time. Even the self check-in kiosks at CDG won't issue me a boarding pass. It's because one can't simply let a Permanent Resident of 30 years fly to Canada without checking his PR card .....
Life during the last 9 weeks has been easy and uncomplicated.... but now I can feel the Pile of complications that is Canada when I'm still in France !
10:30
I remember the fabulous but UNHEATED Espace Fumeurs from when I flew through here with Zu in 2016 ;-)
Since I'll be back in the country of high prices and low flavour again soon, I spoil myself with a bottle of Sauvignon & a Tarte Provencale.....
I am surprisingly relaxed, given that I'm facing an 8 hour flight, then a 5 hour layover, and then another 6 hour flight.... only to arrive in Cold Vancouver at 10 pm....
10:50
 |
| BULLSHIT ! |
A boarding time of 10:45 for a 12:15 lift-off?
You got to be kidding!
Let the CATTLE assemble WAY TOO EARLY just to make it easy for the airline....
I've just fallen asleep in my seat even before take-off, when the stewardess wakes me and tells me to remove my headphones.... Welcome back to the Nanny State !
The Air Transat plane is FUCKING FREEZING. I shell out CAD$ 9.99 for a cheap & too short blanket to keep frostbite at bay.....
 |
| Not really edible, but I eat it to introduce some heat into my body ..... |
14:00 EST
OMG, there is SNOW outside the Montreal Terminal. NO SMOKING signs are everywhere, and so are idling Diesel buses. Yeah, that makes so much SENSE, you IGNANTS !
Sit down to have some food and a wine......... A small piece of Fritata & a 6 oz glass of mediocre white wine: CAD$ 27. LOL, now THAT is what I call Culture Shock!
What is worse: I had forgotten what bland food tastes like, LOL.
NO, I certainly don't like the idea of hanging out here for 5 hours. But I paid CAD $600 for this flight and the next cheapest with a 2 hour layover in Rejkjavik would have cost CAD$ 1000 MORE. So I'm appeasing myself with the thought that someone is paying me $200 per hour of waiting for my connecting flight ;-)
The Airport WiFi at Montreal airport is the worst I have encountered in weeks. It disconnected every 2 or 3 minutes and one has to submit one's e-mail address to the advertising monsters again. Back in the part of the world where nothing works and no-one seems to care that nothing works !
And of course, my CANADIAN cell phone is unable to give me a data connection in Montreal. How PATHETIC is THAT?
15:45 EST.... 3.5 hours until I can sleep in the plane...
Time for another glass of white wine...... for $14.85 including tax. LOL
I've arrived back in Canada less than 2 hours ago..... and I would like nothing more than to hop into a plane to Vietnam instead of one to Vancouver !
16:15 EST
Only 3 hours until lift-off ;-) I hope I can stay awake that long....
Grandma is happy to hear from me and happy that I'm back (almost).
17:15 EST...... should I go through security, as the often repeated public announcement message urges me to do ? Nope, I realize they try to lure me to their overpriced services & restaurants in the secure zone, but if they want me to spend my money there, they should have provided a smoking lounge ;-)
16:15 EST...... Just by hanging out at this airport for 4 hours, I've managed to accumulate $800 in savings .... not bad ;-)
18:15 EST
OOOPS, I did it again!
It seems to be impossible for me to return to the Gulag without having booked an escape ticket before the fact..... so I book my flight back to Vietnam while still sitting in Montreal ;-) 40 days in Vancouver will be MORE than enough!
19:15 EST.....
Another 6 hours in a tin can.........
There is an immensely tall & constantly smiling MTF stewardess.....she radiates more happiness than the rest of the crew combined.... AND she knows how to turn her wide hips when walking down the aisle..... unlike the short chubby female stewardess, with the HUGE ass, who I just KNEW would be present on a flight with a Canadian airline and who rams that ass into my sleeping shoulder every time she passes and wakes me ;-(
Another indication that I'm flying with a Canadian airline: There is NO free food and they've run out of the Pay Food..... ah well.... 2 mini bottles of wine will work ;-)
Welcome to Canada !
No comments:
Post a Comment