mostly alive

George died on May 8.

The world did not stand still.
People did not freeze in mid-motion, as seen in the Matrix or on some Star Trek episode.
Other people's lives just went on as if nothing had happened.  So hard to comprehend.

Only a few dozen people looked around themselves as if they have been teleported to a strange planet.  Even though it is the same planet, nothing is the same. And it will never never never be the same again. Forever is so easy to say as a word and so impossible to comprehend as a concept. 

But to prevent a fatal domino effect, those of us who are still here must keep on living. And as I have insinuated many many times in this blog, and as demonstrated by someone who is no longer with us, we really really really should do a good job of that living thing. And the time we have to accomplish this job is not really that long. Just ask any turtle or tree!  

So that is what I will try to do, even though there are moments when I don't really see the point or just don't know how I can do a good job of it without George's smile, council, care, warmth, and love. But it seems to become clearer and clearer to me:  We shouldn't look for the meaning of life in what we can get out of it, but in how we can improve the lives of others. Thank you for everything, George. I will love you forever!

This post has been put together over a period of weeks. And it might seem a little incoherent because of that because this post was written while riding an emotional roller-coaster that is much much worse than that evil thing on a Las Vegas rooftop that spit me out utterly terrified and with the certainty that I will never ride a roller coaster again in my life.  But while the physical roller-coaster ride let fear enter my life, I keep hoping that this present emotional roller-coaster ride will infuse my head with something very different, something positive, namely a better understanding of life.

But what good could this until now mostly elusive understanding do, if I kept it to myself?  So:   The rumours of the demise of this blog have been greatly exaggerated!

The coming days will see a few posts concerning themselves with the last couple of weeks, but then it will be time to catch up to current events.