0:45
Try to sleep without feeling too sad.....
1:30
the first thing I notice is the EMPTY bed next to me..... then I get SAD....not about me, but about him ...because he will be one of those husbands who will constantly be bitched at by his wife.....and he doesn't know how to resist.
sleep
6:00
coffee, wine
The Viets walk up and down the street in this smog for exercise..... one woman in fancy white jogging clothes walks circles through the hotel front yard..... and then she even dares look up to me and give me her most seductive smile.....YUK....
6:30
The woman is still walking circles in the yard..
6:45
time for a nap
7:00
I want some sushi for breakfast.....of course I spill the soy sauce again...not much left.... I head down to the breakfast area with a cup and ask for 'xi dau'.... there usually is an easy solution ;-)
8:00
Eda doesn't answer the phone
Chantal doesn't answer the phone
Nothing from Joanna
Eda texts
We talk.... she is COLD in her basement....
doze to wear off the alcohol
9:45
Start walking to LotteMart.....Filthy air....so much traffic....
LotteMart is a NIGHTMARE..... the Viets have discovered consumerism....and like everything they do, they go overboard....
10:45
I talk to Joanna
12:05
I start fuming again and my eyes turn red
12:47
There he is....
Fun....I get my protein...not in the mouth this time...then he turns weird again
17:00
I go to pick up sushi
17:15
When I come back, he has his clothes on..... "Phap ve" Tai sao? "Bo me Phap".... I just shrug my shoulders .... this is not going to work .....
20:15
I'm fuming at Phap already.....then I try to book my flight from Saigon to Phnom Penh....and the transaction is declined..... I have to call Canada to make sure it's not the stupid Canadian Credit card again..... on hold forever..... but the guy says that there is no flag on my account.....it never ends....
20:45
Nothing from Phap.....fucking IDIOT.....
21:00
"I am tired of waiting for you"
21:15
"this is the last time I'm alone in a hotel room waiting for you. I should have learned in Tuy Hoa"
FUCK THIS SHIT !
I manage to pay for the SGN-PNH ticket.....it wasn't my Credit Card after all......
21:30
He will NEVER learn.... even though he is happy with me, he is too afraid of his parents.....time to let go.....
21:45
I send "NO respect" and I block him...
nap
I wake up again at 22:30 and unblock him again and delete most of the earlier posts
sleep
4:00
my head is spinning ..... I get drunk....and pass out at 6:00
7:15ish.... I wake up because the bed is moving .... in the next 4 hours I get off twice, he doesn't, we sleep more, holding hands all the time, and we don't speak...but the sex is amazing, but even during the sex I can't help thinking "This is Good Bye sex"....... until at 11:15 he says "Phap ve".
BIZARRE ..... maybe that was the last time I saw him.... and by now I'm not even sure what I would do with him if I could have him.....travel would be the only option, because domestic life with him would be hell.....
11:20
Time to do my Duolingo...
Am I going insane......then it occurs to me.....I worry about what other people will do to me instead of concentrating what I will do.... but it's hard to get older, living alone, and the world getting more complicated every day .....
12:15
Looking for hotels in Phnom Penh, trying to estimate how long to stay there.... I don't think I'll be back in Bien Hoa in two weeks..... gut feeling says things are NOT improving..... the hugging and kissing and loving part is.....but the enough-time and communication thing is driving me INSANE.
nap
13:30
shower shave
14:00
might as well go and deal with it .....
I take a Grab motorbike that is sitting at the corner..... not sure whether he wanted 2k or 20k but he gets 20k
As expected the mall is a zoo of teenagers in the newest fashions....but at least there is no lineup at the cashier....I buy the LAST 4 bottles of Dalat Classic and walk home
14:45
The internet keeps fucking up.....and then Netflix asks for a password..... and the old one no longer works..... OH WHAT THE FUCK
I email Denise to get the new one.....
13:15
oh screw it.....I order Netflix.... 260k /month... let's hope it doesn't fuck up my credit card !
watch some Netflix
nap
18:08
OK....here we go again....he's late....and maybe he won't show up again.....sick of it....
18:30
there is the message I knew was coming ..... "sorry. my life is complicated. I can't come to the hotel this evening"
I reply in three long THREE long messages...... "yeah, my life is complicated too. but I always make time for you because you are #1.... I obviously am not #1, so I will not try to meet you again... have a lucky life".
He is the ONE.....but he is still Mr. Anderson and I don't have the time to wait for NEO to show up.....and he needs a shot across the bow (fuck me for still having hope)...... I didn't block him this time but I need some time away from him.
19:30
tears in my eyes.... but I can't go on like this..... no matter how cuddly he is..... but I don't know how to deal with it......
good thing I'm meeting Toan on Tuesday.... someone who actually TALKS......
19:45
another message "I love you and I hope you don't understand how much you HURT me"
20:00
enough is enough....two days in a row "I will come back later"....and then he doesn't..... no more bullshit !
a final message to him "Han is very angry and sad. Maybe Maybe I will contact you in one month" and then I BLOCK him on Zalo.
He is lucky...... George got a one year suspension .... and YES, I will miss him SO MUCH...but stupid kids need to learn...ideally quickly....
22:00
I block his phone number as well.....he still has my email but he won't remember his Gmail password....
ah well.....
another message "You not coming back yesterday and today was not that important...but you NOT telling the truth yesterday and today really upset me"...... SO THERE....that's what's important !
try to pass out
