Apr 14 ...15.. ABSOLUTE BLISS .....and sadness......this way MADNESS lies ....and Romeo & Juliet times

 4:45

I'm awake....my face is puffy.....GREAT, just what I needed.....

another doze.....and too much booze

7:30

I've done my calisthenics and completed the ArriveCan application.....

8:00

No Phap...... still no idea whether he will show up....and even if he does, maybe he'll just bring more bad news.....

shower..... I feel better..

8:30 ...but I keep drinking...because that bad feeling just won't go away.....

I send an email "Where is my only love?"

8;35

And email: Phap is on the way.....

OMFG....happy

8:45

Another bowel movement.....and I realize that I've soiled my undies WTF?....

nap

10:00

He should be here by now.....but he isn't....which was truth and which was a lie?......the man is driving me insane....

10:30

He REALLY should be here by now..... I'm preparing an email...... "My future will be happy because I am a courageous person.  But you will bring unhappiness to yourself and to everyone around you.  GOOD BYE."

10:45

I Zalo him "????"

No answer

I call him.....he says Benh Thanh..... I still don't believe him

11:00 

When I bring out the garbage, he rolls up.......

What follows are the happiest 6 hours of my life....and he ain't unhappy either ;-)...... and I think I've finally managed to instill some hope into him

17:00

He leaves....

17:30

I call Tam in Phu Diem ....talk to her husband

I call Karl in Karlsruhe.... voicemail....

18:15

At the Parkhaus again.....I ordered a Zigeunerschnitzel.

I email Phap.....Thank you for making me the happiest person on the planet today....I hope you didn't get wet....

18:20

Tam called back....I call her and she answers.....she ask me "Do I have a wife?" ...Not spilling the beans, I say "I don't have a wife, but my lover has a wife"..."but he does not like his wife"....  she asks 'Are you in VH or in Saigon"...I say "I'm in Saigon and you know WHY I am in Saigon"...... I don't mention any names....but she's a good person and I had to get it off my chest....maybe I should just keep my mouth shut......

19:05

back in my room....still digestive issues.....but I make it to the toilet in time

20:00

I so miss his head in my lap...my head on his shoulder.....his snoring....the intimacy.......

20:45

nap

1:30

a sip of wine.....

sleeep

7:00 I call EDA....I miss her so much....

doze

8:00

Time to get stuff done....

Another quick test..

...NEGATIVE......

I check in online for tomorrow's ANA flight.... but I still have to get the boarding pass at the airport.....

I call Wemper Woman...... I simply have to tell someone how HAPPY and how SAD I am......

8:30

buy a tuna sandwich, some banana bread, more wine and another carton of cigarettes.... I might have to smuggle....

doze

10:00

Joanna/Seattle calls back..... she as a literary person understands the "heart of gold" and "Romeo & Juliet" references..... The Old and the Restless....

11:30

OMG....life is SO EASY in SaiGon..... Nicky...today with his hair sticking up like a bird...called me a Grab motorcycle..... I got my PCR test done.....took a taxi back......

12:00

my eyes are wet again......because I miss him so much....my heart overfloweth....and I'm afraid for him....I hope he learns quickly.....

nap

13:45

lost hours

horny, drunk, tired, tipsy

15:45

I should go eat something proper......

15:50

Nicky with his bird hair.... The Turkish guy with his baby.... the laundry woman with her baby.... people smile and wave at me on the 100 meter walk to the Bookworm's Restaurant.... I am HOME here....that's why tears keep welling up in my eyes when I think about tomorrow's departure.....

16:00

what is that touch on my leg?.....the restaurant dog came over to nuzzle for its pets... ;-)

In the news.....today I get a PCR test without even having to register....walk in and about 4 minutes wait time.....in the third world.... I read the news.... and PCR tests are still not properly available in Canada 

WHAT the FUCK !?!

16:05

Phap wrote.....Today how is Han....?

 typical....but I don't hold back

Today, Han is sad because he has to leave his lover's country....and misses Phap very much.

But Han is also happy knowing that Han will come back and we will be happy again

I love you very much

Be brave and don't be afraid 

But before I can send it, one drop of lemon juice fucks up my touchpad...... Good thing I brought the wireless mouse..... ! But I have to get back to the room first for that.....

then my internet dies..... ...no ...it's probably just another one of those Windows updates..... and my touchpad comes back to life....

nap

18:30

NO REPLY....and my spirits DROP.....

I email him....."I want to see your face before I leave....videocall or send me a picture of you?"

19:10

I call the testing centre..... "I did the PCR test this morning and was told I would have the results at 19:00.... I do not have them.....they say they are just finishing and will send it in a few minutes...."

I truly LOVE this country....but I also hate its deficiencies.... maybe I still have to work on erasing the German inside myself....

19:20

I videocall Him....He doesn't answer........

19:25

I email him

"I am sorry that I making your life complicated 

19:30

I'm getting old.... don't have time for Bullshit anymore !

19:45

I video call Iwona....she's at the hairdresser.... she'll call me back

19:55

I've deleted ALL of Phap's emails....and all his pictures....FUCK THIS SHIT !

20;00

I am SO CLOSE sending another DMM email......

20:05

He video calls me.....

I am happy again..

20:15

an email from him: "Dung buon"..... .....I'm not sure that's enough.....

20:30

try to have a short nap.....pack later

doze.....

the alarm is set for 3:00

good enough....

22:00

an email...... "I miss you"

I reply "I miss you too... it is like a constant belly ache....do not be afraid.... Karma will help..."

OMFG..... I'm going HOME .... YVR-ICN-SGN

Vancouver.....in April 2022....about to go home... 

0:05

I finished Duolingo for the day....

too bad I'm wide awake.... I should get some sleep to wake up early and get everything done.....

I haven't received my usual "sleep well" email...... but I will see Phap SOON....and things will become clearer.

0:10

I kneel in front of the UV lamp ...can't come to VietNam all WHITE  ;-)

0:15

The RBC website is having 'technical issues'.....Oh come on....it's a fucking computer.....what did the retarded human software engineers do now?

6:30

I might as well get up.... moments of panicking thoughts again .... the last 3 months were rough on my mental health

7:15

I email Phap...."I'm just about to go to the airport"

7:30

He replies "Wish Han have a happy and safe trip.. see you in Saigon. Love

8:00

I better get started here.....the taxi will be here in 3 hours....

8:30

I've shaved....showered.....

Eda emailed...

A taxi to the airport....

Stupid YVR security screening; it's not obvious where your stuff in the screening trays goes.....

 I manage to take someone else's identical ASUS laptop !  Good thing he noticed !

RUSH in Incheon....but then I should know better; there are always people slower than me...I could have had a few more smokes

I WAIT FOREVER for the immigration at Tan Son Nhat.... but YES, I got a 14 days stay without a visa ....

Stepping out of the airport into the warm SaiGon air and having a smoke......my heart overfloweth......I am back in HEAVEN....

a taxi to District 1....

I finally arrive at HomeAway at frigging Midnight.  EXHAUSTED.... only to have Nicky tell me that they sold my reserved room to someone else because I didn't answer their text messages while I was in the planes....... FUCKING RETARDS

Nicky calls Long..... he explains why they sold my room.... I WAS IN A FUCKING PLANE WHERE I CAN'T RECEIVE TEXT MESSAGES...... "OH" is all Long can say...

bicycle Rikshaw through the streets to a different hotel

1100000 a night?  FUCK!   and NO balcony !!!   Doesn't anyone listen to my words?

I try to buy take-away beer at a pub a block away.......but they refuse because they are afraid that I won't return the empty bottles....... and I have to smoke outside the hotel ..... NOT happy

but I need a bed.......all night long.....nap 45 minutes and then smoke again....

5:45

Good thing Circle K is open already..... beer, an egg sandwich, and phone minutes... I forget to buy coffee and they don't have any wine :-(

Let's hope the rest of this trip will go more smoothly !!!!

Dire Days ..... merry fucking Christmas ....

 4:00

try as I might, I can not sleep

then the Monkey wants to change the pipe on my water pump....NO !!!!

4:15

I might as well do it now..... I call Lifelabs...someone actually answers the phone at this hour.... she emails me my Testing Report.... NEGATIVE

4:30

Where did that native cedar-wood box go?   Together with the missing wrist-watches I'm getting wary....especially since someone moved/took the safe combination paper and it looks like someone moved the stuff in front of the safe......  I check the stuff in the living room... all little boxes and containers that contained the Native stuff..... EMPTY... just still sitting there.....

4:45

I bite the bullet .... into the ice-cold (literally) garage with a space heater, a flashlight, and my reading lamp....good thing the safe combination was their old German telephone number....and I still remember it.... I get the safe open on the second try... a moment of fear, but no, there is the cedar box....I must have put it in there before I left....knowing not to trust ditzy Grandma.....  but where the hell is her last will and testament.... good thing the house is already in my name ....

5:30

Vietnam closed its borders in March 2020....just after I came back from Phnom Penh...more than 1.5 years ago....

and I should stop despairing... in all my decisions, Karma always seemed to have been on my side....

But this house IS depressing....

a

TIRED....

emails to Lisa & Phap.....

6:15

shit....the flight cost me $850 and not $650 as I thought ....but that's still way cheaper than the $3000 it would have cost me a week earlier.... Karma again ;-)

Eda replies.... friendly but not loving as usual.... and I can feel my mood dropping already.... I need LOVE but very few people seem to be able to give it ... or maybe I'm just not loveable?

7:15

I simply can not sleep ....too many things to do....

I open another bottle of wine (the coming shortage is adding to my panic) and have a coffee.... 

lots of flight cancellations in the world because of Omicron

it will be -11 C in Vancouver tomorrow night.... how the fuck am I going to get food and booze?

instead of being productive (still haven't taken a shower after the flight), I keep clicking around the internet looking for good news....

8:15

I finally fall asleep

10:00

First step of today's agenda.....call the car people...... she remembers me and chats on the phone with me for quite a while... and says "Chris, we always have a car for you".

Shower put on long pants and shoes and a hoodie and Grandpa's fur jacket... call a taxi

The Cabbie is NOT wearing a mask and the ride down to Lo-Cost costs me $17....what a fucked up country...

Joana & husband are such nice people... we talk for 15 minutes.... I get a Yaris....first time I drive a car in 2 years !!!! $1500 per month... better than taking a taxi  and cheap compared to what Grandma costs.

Liquor store next door... might as well buy a case of Viognier ;-)

The Persian store changed owners...it's a GREAT store now.... and the guy at the cashier first talks to me in Farsi (my tanned olive skin?), is GORGEOUS and chatty... unfortunately he forgets to pack my jam...or maybe it's in the car?

Back home, Nooria has left and Disha, a very pleasant young woman from India is giving care to Grandma.... she is chatty and not shy....

12:45 Elizabeth & some hot young Brazilian guy show up....bring cookies for grandma ..

.. I get right to the point...she needs to go into a home... Elizabeth will help ! ;-)

14:00

Chantal calls..... a good conversation about her being a hoarder and unhappy mother and about me possibly haven fallen for a trickster and hustler

15:00

A Phap email.....  "Wish Merry Christmas.  Happy. Peace".... I can not help noticing that he doesn't include my name.... Chantal's probably right...

Screw it.... Karma will settle it and I have a job to do... actually many jobs !

16:00

I can't stand anymore and go lie down.... my phone chirping wakes me at 16:45....It's Bill, Elizabeth's husband.... I will meet him on Sunday at 11 in Park Royal.....

nap again

18:15...still tired.... I have a coffee & a disgusting chocolate pudding with cherries

Then I find Grandma's bank statements... Her account really had that little in it.... 

tired

I sleep for an hour....

Agnes shows up....nice and chatty....

Yes, stuff was taken.... my silver rabbit baby rattle is gone too....

21:00

I can't help it...."it is most peaceful next to Phap", I write.... if he's really just a stupid whore, might as well make him feel a little guilty.....   oooh....nasty me.... now I feel guilty....

I talk to Agnes...she's nice

Rummaging around the basement back room, I rip part of my big toenail off... I ask Agnes as an RN whether my plan of self-bandaging makes sense....and yeah, I got it right.....

Annie, Thanh/VH, Dong/QN, and Zu all sent me happy birthday messages today.... WTF?

22:45

sleep

1:00

I wake up hungry.... one cherry Eggo and one cheese/caper baguette....yummy....

back to sleep

3:00

awake again

How do I get a booster shot?..... check booster shot BC......oh, I can register to get vaccinated online...

Then it occurs to me ..... since it is all computerized, they will not know about my 2 previous shots.... and think someone at my age has NOT been vaccinated..... I should be almost 1st in line ...

Look up Power of Attorney..... it doesn't have to be notarized for money issues, only for selling property. But even a notarized one won't allow me to make healthcare decisions for her.

And 50% of people still don't wear masks.... and there are no hand sanitizers at credit card machines.  They will never learn.

nap

4:45

awake again..... another coffee, eat some manicotti.   Iwona emailed me with birthday wishes...

...WTF is going on ?!?

emails from Joanna/Paris & The Monkey....

5:45

Having a smoke on the balcony, I notice that grandma's curtains are drawn for the first time ever.... it takes me a while to realize that she is getting washed..... during the next smoke I think I faintly hear her annoying screams.... and it hits me .... there are NO noises here, except the creek.... no roosters, no cicadas, no frogs, no dogs, no nothing...and nothing is moving .... none of those divine flocks of white herons, no fishermen in their coracles, no dogs humping at the beach, no villagers pulling the endless net out of the ocean..... nothing.... it's DEAD here....

I start moving all the tax stuff in the downstairs middle room.... and I notice that my Native Converse hightops are not there.... WTF!....

7:00

tired again.....

NOPE

7:30

I start shoveling snow...

. with a shovel whose handle is way to short, so I have to bend down low...they make women's shovels now?

8:30

I call Ingo and we chat happily for 30 mins... better than last time....

9:00

LOL.... I knew it.... the computer system at BC Health thinks I'm unvaccinated, so I got bumped to the front of the line and I'll get my 3rd dose on Dec. 30.

9:10

What to do now?... I feel lonely.... so I eat and drink....

10:00

The call to Hans is a bit disappointing....

10:30

time to have a nap, I think....

OMG, I slept well a lot

14:00

Jessica emailed back....she's not visiting....phony?!?

Grandma is screaming at the caretakers in that nasty way of hers

nap

18:00

Manicotti with salsa..... I'm going to get fat so fast :-(

The keyboard on the laptop stops working..... thankfully a reboot helps.... panic...

18:45

The computer updated and they managed to fuck up the image-editing program..... congrats retards ! (again)

Grandma shit her diapers and won't allow Maryam to change them and even screams at her. I tell her it's not lady-like and that does the trick.

I'm paralyzed with depression....just want to go back to sleep.....

nap

20:30

Phap zaloed..... Have a happy day..... he doesn't clue in about the time difference?

21:00

talk to Disha for a bit.... she has to commute to Surrey by public transit....OMFG....

22:30

tired....but I try to stay awake so I won't be up at 2 am again...

22:45

Disha's asking whether the fireplace has a switch gives me an idea.....yes, the downstairs one has a switch... I turn it on and after a few tries am able to ignite the pilot light..

. and then the fireplace....YEAH !

sleep

1:00

I microwave and wolf down a cabbage roll

2:00

OMG, Freedom Mobile charges $0.75 per minute for calls to Vietnam....

Good thing for Zalo ;-)

The shit finally hits the fan.... SGN-NRT-YVR ..... Dire Days: The nightmare begins

 3:30

LOVING emails from Phap....he can be SO AMAZING.....

Why do the church bells ring at 4:20?

5:30

I'm shaved and showered and pretty much ready to go.....

and that thought is back.....WTF am I doing?.... am I crazy?....leaving everything I truly love behind, just to deal with money issues?

6:05 

I leave by taxi

empty airport

Covid times airport crowds ;-)

it's relaxing strolling through an empty airport 

7:50

Oh, thank you for the 2nd boarding pass..

.. I can stretch out...

I love Japan Airlines ;-)

a

In Tokyo it takes me a while to realize that this is NOT morning sun,

but that the sun is setting at 16:00...and it's COLD, even inside the airport....I regret not wearing proper clothes, but at least they have smoking lounges.....

.. tres civilized ;-)

running around...

.. only one restaurant seems to be open.....

a

need money first

Another 4 seater bench just for me

YVR is the usual bother.... an unfriendly border guard, waiting forever for the luggage, and COVID TESTING, just because I said truthfully that I came from Viet Nam....

a taxi to North Van

Along South Granville street, I tell the cabbie to pull into a side street so I can pee at a hedge (my usual YVR arrival routine of smoking first and peeing afterwards doesn't work because they refuse re-entry into the terminal building)  

The East Indian cab driver giggles....

Not a single person walking on Granville is wearing masks

 

I get to the house..... someone opens the door after I ring

Grandma got OLD ....but is very happy to see her Grandson....

The house is an absolute mess.... the care nurses just show up, more or less do their job of watching Grandma .........but don't take care of anything else.

I call Freedom mobile to get the phone internet working.....I try to get Zalo installed and can't do it....

20:15

A desperate thought of hope.....I could get Grandma moved to a home and return to Phap....who just maybe really doesn't love me ... what a fucking mess....

Problems solved today:  

I have a little bit of internet

23:00

it's fucking snowing

23:30

My phone chimes.....it's roaming

it comes back a little later... and Phap zaloed.....

I'm sitting in an overheated house (by Canadian standards) and my fingers are ICICLES....

My phone is roaming again....The Monkey tried calling.... and I can't call back ...actually I can.... he answers.....he hasn't visited Iwona yet....and Chau didn't give him the money....  but then he forgot what he was calling about and is too shy to say...

2:30 am

I've opened most of the pile of mail.... 

And there are some of Grandma's account statements

another success..... I got my Gmail accounts running on the Vancouver phone and my contacts have updated.

2:45 am

Grandma is wailing in bed.....Maryam, the Persian caretaker says that this is normal.... she asks Granny "what do you want".... Grandma says "I want all in the world" and she means "Everything"

 Welcome back to Canada :-(