Apr 14 ...15.. ABSOLUTE BLISS .....and sadness......this way MADNESS lies ....and Romeo & Juliet times

 4:45

I'm awake....my face is puffy.....GREAT, just what I needed.....

another doze.....and too much booze

7:30

I've done my calisthenics and completed the ArriveCan application.....

8:00

No Phap...... still no idea whether he will show up....and even if he does, maybe he'll just bring more bad news.....

shower..... I feel better..

8:30 ...but I keep drinking...because that bad feeling just won't go away.....

I send an email "Where is my only love?"

8;35

And email: Phap is on the way.....

OMFG....happy

8:45

Another bowel movement.....and I realize that I've soiled my undies WTF?....

nap

10:00

He should be here by now.....but he isn't....which was truth and which was a lie?......the man is driving me insane....

10:30

He REALLY should be here by now..... I'm preparing an email...... "My future will be happy because I am a courageous person.  But you will bring unhappiness to yourself and to everyone around you.  GOOD BYE."

10:45

I Zalo him "????"

No answer

I call him.....he says Benh Thanh..... I still don't believe him

11:00 

When I bring out the garbage, he rolls up.......

What follows are the happiest 6 hours of my life....and he ain't unhappy either ;-)...... and I think I've finally managed to instill some hope into him

17:00

He leaves....

17:30

I call Tam in Phu Diem ....talk to her husband

I call Karl in Karlsruhe.... voicemail....

18:15

At the Parkhaus again.....I ordered a Zigeunerschnitzel.

I email Phap.....Thank you for making me the happiest person on the planet today....I hope you didn't get wet....

18:20

Tam called back....I call her and she answers.....she ask me "Do I have a wife?" ...Not spilling the beans, I say "I don't have a wife, but my lover has a wife"..."but he does not like his wife"....  she asks 'Are you in VH or in Saigon"...I say "I'm in Saigon and you know WHY I am in Saigon"...... I don't mention any names....but she's a good person and I had to get it off my chest....maybe I should just keep my mouth shut......

19:05

back in my room....still digestive issues.....but I make it to the toilet in time

20:00

I so miss his head in my lap...my head on his shoulder.....his snoring....the intimacy.......

20:45

nap

1:30

a sip of wine.....

sleeep

7:00 I call EDA....I miss her so much....

doze

8:00

Time to get stuff done....

Another quick test..

...NEGATIVE......

I check in online for tomorrow's ANA flight.... but I still have to get the boarding pass at the airport.....

I call Wemper Woman...... I simply have to tell someone how HAPPY and how SAD I am......

8:30

buy a tuna sandwich, some banana bread, more wine and another carton of cigarettes.... I might have to smuggle....

doze

10:00

Joanna/Seattle calls back..... she as a literary person understands the "heart of gold" and "Romeo & Juliet" references..... The Old and the Restless....

11:30

OMG....life is SO EASY in SaiGon..... Nicky...today with his hair sticking up like a bird...called me a Grab motorcycle..... I got my PCR test done.....took a taxi back......

12:00

my eyes are wet again......because I miss him so much....my heart overfloweth....and I'm afraid for him....I hope he learns quickly.....

nap

13:45

lost hours

horny, drunk, tired, tipsy

15:45

I should go eat something proper......

15:50

Nicky with his bird hair.... The Turkish guy with his baby.... the laundry woman with her baby.... people smile and wave at me on the 100 meter walk to the Bookworm's Restaurant.... I am HOME here....that's why tears keep welling up in my eyes when I think about tomorrow's departure.....

16:00

what is that touch on my leg?.....the restaurant dog came over to nuzzle for its pets... ;-)

In the news.....today I get a PCR test without even having to register....walk in and about 4 minutes wait time.....in the third world.... I read the news.... and PCR tests are still not properly available in Canada 

WHAT the FUCK !?!

16:05

Phap wrote.....Today how is Han....?

 typical....but I don't hold back

Today, Han is sad because he has to leave his lover's country....and misses Phap very much.

But Han is also happy knowing that Han will come back and we will be happy again

I love you very much

Be brave and don't be afraid 

But before I can send it, one drop of lemon juice fucks up my touchpad...... Good thing I brought the wireless mouse..... ! But I have to get back to the room first for that.....

then my internet dies..... ...no ...it's probably just another one of those Windows updates..... and my touchpad comes back to life....

nap

18:30

NO REPLY....and my spirits DROP.....

I email him....."I want to see your face before I leave....videocall or send me a picture of you?"

19:10

I call the testing centre..... "I did the PCR test this morning and was told I would have the results at 19:00.... I do not have them.....they say they are just finishing and will send it in a few minutes...."

I truly LOVE this country....but I also hate its deficiencies.... maybe I still have to work on erasing the German inside myself....

19:20

I videocall Him....He doesn't answer........

19:25

I email him

"I am sorry that I making your life complicated 

19:30

I'm getting old.... don't have time for Bullshit anymore !

19:45

I video call Iwona....she's at the hairdresser.... she'll call me back

19:55

I've deleted ALL of Phap's emails....and all his pictures....FUCK THIS SHIT !

20;00

I am SO CLOSE sending another DMM email......

20:05

He video calls me.....

I am happy again..

20:15

an email from him: "Dung buon"..... .....I'm not sure that's enough.....

20:30

try to have a short nap.....pack later

doze.....

the alarm is set for 3:00

good enough....

22:00

an email...... "I miss you"

I reply "I miss you too... it is like a constant belly ache....do not be afraid.... Karma will help..."

Dire Days ..... merry fucking Christmas ....

 4:00

try as I might, I can not sleep

then the Monkey wants to change the pipe on my water pump....NO !!!!

4:15

I might as well do it now..... I call Lifelabs...someone actually answers the phone at this hour.... she emails me my Testing Report.... NEGATIVE

4:30

Where did that native cedar-wood box go?   Together with the missing wrist-watches I'm getting wary....especially since someone moved/took the safe combination paper and it looks like someone moved the stuff in front of the safe......  I check the stuff in the living room... all little boxes and containers that contained the Native stuff..... EMPTY... just still sitting there.....

4:45

I bite the bullet .... into the ice-cold (literally) garage with a space heater, a flashlight, and my reading lamp....good thing the safe combination was their old German telephone number....and I still remember it.... I get the safe open on the second try... a moment of fear, but no, there is the cedar box....I must have put it in there before I left....knowing not to trust ditzy Grandma.....  but where the hell is her last will and testament.... good thing the house is already in my name ....

5:30

Vietnam closed its borders in March 2020....just after I came back from Phnom Penh...more than 1.5 years ago....

and I should stop despairing... in all my decisions, Karma always seemed to have been on my side....

But this house IS depressing....

a

TIRED....

emails to Lisa & Phap.....

6:15

shit....the flight cost me $850 and not $650 as I thought ....but that's still way cheaper than the $3000 it would have cost me a week earlier.... Karma again ;-)

Eda replies.... friendly but not loving as usual.... and I can feel my mood dropping already.... I need LOVE but very few people seem to be able to give it ... or maybe I'm just not loveable?

7:15

I simply can not sleep ....too many things to do....

I open another bottle of wine (the coming shortage is adding to my panic) and have a coffee.... 

lots of flight cancellations in the world because of Omicron

it will be -11 C in Vancouver tomorrow night.... how the fuck am I going to get food and booze?

instead of being productive (still haven't taken a shower after the flight), I keep clicking around the internet looking for good news....

8:15

I finally fall asleep

10:00

First step of today's agenda.....call the car people...... she remembers me and chats on the phone with me for quite a while... and says "Chris, we always have a car for you".

Shower put on long pants and shoes and a hoodie and Grandpa's fur jacket... call a taxi

The Cabbie is NOT wearing a mask and the ride down to Lo-Cost costs me $17....what a fucked up country...

Joana & husband are such nice people... we talk for 15 minutes.... I get a Yaris....first time I drive a car in 2 years !!!! $1500 per month... better than taking a taxi  and cheap compared to what Grandma costs.

Liquor store next door... might as well buy a case of Viognier ;-)

The Persian store changed owners...it's a GREAT store now.... and the guy at the cashier first talks to me in Farsi (my tanned olive skin?), is GORGEOUS and chatty... unfortunately he forgets to pack my jam...or maybe it's in the car?

Back home, Nooria has left and Disha, a very pleasant young woman from India is giving care to Grandma.... she is chatty and not shy....

12:45 Elizabeth & some hot young Brazilian guy show up....bring cookies for grandma ..

.. I get right to the point...she needs to go into a home... Elizabeth will help ! ;-)

14:00

Chantal calls..... a good conversation about her being a hoarder and unhappy mother and about me possibly haven fallen for a trickster and hustler

15:00

A Phap email.....  "Wish Merry Christmas.  Happy. Peace".... I can not help noticing that he doesn't include my name.... Chantal's probably right...

Screw it.... Karma will settle it and I have a job to do... actually many jobs !

16:00

I can't stand anymore and go lie down.... my phone chirping wakes me at 16:45....It's Bill, Elizabeth's husband.... I will meet him on Sunday at 11 in Park Royal.....

nap again

18:15...still tired.... I have a coffee & a disgusting chocolate pudding with cherries

Then I find Grandma's bank statements... Her account really had that little in it.... 

tired

I sleep for an hour....

Agnes shows up....nice and chatty....

Yes, stuff was taken.... my silver rabbit baby rattle is gone too....

21:00

I can't help it...."it is most peaceful next to Phap", I write.... if he's really just a stupid whore, might as well make him feel a little guilty.....   oooh....nasty me.... now I feel guilty....

I talk to Agnes...she's nice

Rummaging around the basement back room, I rip part of my big toenail off... I ask Agnes as an RN whether my plan of self-bandaging makes sense....and yeah, I got it right.....

Annie, Thanh/VH, Dong/QN, and Zu all sent me happy birthday messages today.... WTF?

22:45

sleep

1:00

I wake up hungry.... one cherry Eggo and one cheese/caper baguette....yummy....

back to sleep

3:00

awake again

How do I get a booster shot?..... check booster shot BC......oh, I can register to get vaccinated online...

Then it occurs to me ..... since it is all computerized, they will not know about my 2 previous shots.... and think someone at my age has NOT been vaccinated..... I should be almost 1st in line ...

Look up Power of Attorney..... it doesn't have to be notarized for money issues, only for selling property. But even a notarized one won't allow me to make healthcare decisions for her.

And 50% of people still don't wear masks.... and there are no hand sanitizers at credit card machines.  They will never learn.

nap

4:45

awake again..... another coffee, eat some manicotti.   Iwona emailed me with birthday wishes...

...WTF is going on ?!?

emails from Joanna/Paris & The Monkey....

5:45

Having a smoke on the balcony, I notice that grandma's curtains are drawn for the first time ever.... it takes me a while to realize that she is getting washed..... during the next smoke I think I faintly hear her annoying screams.... and it hits me .... there are NO noises here, except the creek.... no roosters, no cicadas, no frogs, no dogs, no nothing...and nothing is moving .... none of those divine flocks of white herons, no fishermen in their coracles, no dogs humping at the beach, no villagers pulling the endless net out of the ocean..... nothing.... it's DEAD here....

I start moving all the tax stuff in the downstairs middle room.... and I notice that my Native Converse hightops are not there.... WTF!....

7:00

tired again.....

NOPE

7:30

I start shoveling snow...

. with a shovel whose handle is way to short, so I have to bend down low...they make women's shovels now?

8:30

I call Ingo and we chat happily for 30 mins... better than last time....

9:00

LOL.... I knew it.... the computer system at BC Health thinks I'm unvaccinated, so I got bumped to the front of the line and I'll get my 3rd dose on Dec. 30.

9:10

What to do now?... I feel lonely.... so I eat and drink....

10:00

The call to Hans is a bit disappointing....

10:30

time to have a nap, I think....

OMG, I slept well a lot

14:00

Jessica emailed back....she's not visiting....phony?!?

Grandma is screaming at the caretakers in that nasty way of hers

nap

18:00

Manicotti with salsa..... I'm going to get fat so fast :-(

The keyboard on the laptop stops working..... thankfully a reboot helps.... panic...

18:45

The computer updated and they managed to fuck up the image-editing program..... congrats retards ! (again)

Grandma shit her diapers and won't allow Maryam to change them and even screams at her. I tell her it's not lady-like and that does the trick.

I'm paralyzed with depression....just want to go back to sleep.....

nap

20:30

Phap zaloed..... Have a happy day..... he doesn't clue in about the time difference?

21:00

talk to Disha for a bit.... she has to commute to Surrey by public transit....OMFG....

22:30

tired....but I try to stay awake so I won't be up at 2 am again...

22:45

Disha's asking whether the fireplace has a switch gives me an idea.....yes, the downstairs one has a switch... I turn it on and after a few tries am able to ignite the pilot light..

. and then the fireplace....YEAH !

sleep

1:00

I microwave and wolf down a cabbage roll

2:00

OMG, Freedom Mobile charges $0.75 per minute for calls to Vietnam....

Good thing for Zalo ;-)

Road Trip !!! Home to Quy Nhon to Home .... an encounter with Lee & Eva & Dong, Phap emails ..... and Choi & Han save the day ;-)

 6:00

Huh ? lot's of sleep !

H&H

I have to tell him for the umpteenth time to clean inside first so as not to drag the outside dirt inside....

8:00

nap

9:15

reflection from my tiles on my ceiling ....

10:30

I'm done with the calisthenics and feel like napping more ;-( NO, I just read for a bit

11:00

I try to skype Denise & Hans.... Skype says they're not online.... oh, BS, Denise is always online at this hour ! then she keeps texting back and forth..... 

11:30

More electrical wiring.... I'm sick of charging batteries for the stair lights....

... I bang my head on the stairs HARD .... why do I have grass on my head?..... I DO have a big bump on my head.... and I realize that the grass was hair and that I semi-scalped myself .... 

Oh, what a day, LOL....

12:15

should I go or not?.....

Shave, shower, skip the swimming today....

13:15

Oh, I might as well go....

appalling how many new hotels appeared along this previously pristine coast ;-(

14:15

Life's a Beach.... only 1 waitress....and she's overworked.... but she answers my call for a 'strong G&T' with a concoction that might just knock me off my chair, LOL.

14:40

Where is my food ? ....

It takes 1/2 an hour and the fries are lukewarm ..... I don't take it out on the waitress because she is utterly overworked.... especially now that a young people photo-shoot crowd arrives

15:15

All of a sudden all the staff is there.... but they have their communal meal.... time to leave...

15:40

Dung doesn't recognize me at first.... but then is all excited and  shows me his garden ...

16:30

17:30

Coop.mart

18:30

Lee calls..... I don't really want to eat....

19:00

another lesson..... fear of losing money (or fear of life and an uncertain future ?!?) turns my mind aggressive against people..... 

they are only 2 minutes late ;-)

Lee surprises me.... he picks up the dinner tab...

and hands over 2 trieu that he can live without now....

21:00

back at the hotel.... Dong is watching TV.... chuc ngu ngon

21:30

more lovey dovey mails with Phap..... oi gioi oi .....

21:45

An email from Joanna in Paris....

. she is saying that she is almost sure that she had the virus....sick for a week.... but that it was impossible to be tested...

.. WTF?!?..... the first of my friends to have had it !

More Phap emails..... and OH NO....

....he's a sad-movie crier... as if I hadn't known all along....

... I do MISS him SO MUCH....

22:30

Wide awake.... and I am very glad I went on today's trip.... took my mind off things at home.....

23:00 still awake ...and in LOVE...

23:30

6:30

ooh.... I slept a lot....

an email and a picture from Jessica.....

OMG....this picture hammers home just HOW LONG I've been gone ....

My motel used to be here :-(

8:25

I've decided NOT to go to Big C....   too lazy.... too sluggish.... that cold still has my body in its grip...

9:30

Time to go.... Dong takes selfies of us..... and he doesn't accept any money for the room .....oi gioi oi ....

10:15

At Life's a Beach..... I realize that Dong texted the pictures to my OLD PHONE NUMBER ;-(  So sad....that was actually a good picture of me ......

10:30

OMG.... VinaPhone sent the pictures to my email account ;-)

The pharmacy has 4 Viagra and 2 Cialis left, LOL.... 

the Com Chien voi Dau Hu is actually edible...

... and not expensive at 49k.... 

11:45

back home..... thank god... I have enough of that bouncing around on the bad roads....

12:30

dying lobsters going for whatever the crying owner can get for them...

I hope Choi's and Chau's lobsters are OK .... 

14:30

15:30

time to throw out Thanh's STINKING rotting monster starfish.... I think maggots are already feasting on it.....

Oops.... I did it again.... it is Sunday.... I emailed Phap... if he was working 5 times in a row while I was in Tuy Hoa and he won't be answering (i.e. not working) today and tonight.... I'm going to get REALLY CRANKY and depressed ...

16:45

I'm about to settle into depression, when Choi & Han show up..... Han just SO MUCH looks like a GORGEOUS Coastal Salish guy, LOL....

Choi brings me a bag of GORGEOUS blue lobster shells !!!

Choi had his belly razor-bladed to deal with a stomach ache.... now he has TWO aches instead of one... but at least his lobsters are OK.... only the lobsters in Song Cau Bay died 

Choi takes one of my sprouting coconuts and reveals just HOW MUCH FOOD there is inside them....

Hang still is not well..... but he is SO GEORGEOUS.... the doctor in Quy Nhon said it's his liver and he should go to Saigon..... but he needs 3 trieu....

He asks me to go hiking up the mountain with him..... LOL.... even Choi agrees.... too dangerous... sending two fruits up the mountain....   just looking at his face and expressions makes Phap look average.... WHAT is WRONG with me.....  5 months ago I was a widower and 6 year virgin ... and now I'm getting picky.... ?!???....  But there is a certain je ne sais quoi about the way Hang sucks that Champagne cork .....  oi gioi oi

  

Oh why the hell not.... tomorrow at 9 Han will fix my plumbing issues... NO, NO, I mean the REAL bathroom plumbing issues !!!....  With any luck he will do it right.... I will be happy..... and he will have 3 trieu.... he will be happy .... isn't that what it's all about ????

18:00

They leave.... and Phap's email arrives one minute after that.... coincidence ?!?.....  Believe in Karma !

18:30

Time to work on those MANY GIANT lobsters that Choi brought .....

19:45

NEED to SLEEP...

21:15

the phone rings..... Nguoi Linh